i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
