By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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