I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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