Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
