Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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