I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
