I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
