I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
