haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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