do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
