my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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