i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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