i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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