at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
