The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
