That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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