How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
