Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
