Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
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just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
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You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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