whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
