i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
