now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
