How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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