i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
