Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
