The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
