He is such a slut. More and more my type.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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