my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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