So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
