After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
