Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
