i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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