I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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