He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
