the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
