You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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