Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
