now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
