Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
