she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
