It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
