I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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