It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
