So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
