Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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