it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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