hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
