ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
