my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
