i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
