Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
