my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize