Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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