If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
