She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
