dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
