In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
