how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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