I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize