Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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