this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
