By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
