I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
