theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
