new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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