I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
