and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
smell my finger.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
