A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
