he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
