Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
