U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
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Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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