I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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