i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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