let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
