apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
