I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
