Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
