I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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